Monday, May 10, 2010

Captain Uncle Kirk was right and I am sure the cargo shorts gave it away...

Shortly after returning from my mission I attended a big family party. It was a nice BBQ in the park. I chatted with several people and caught up on 18 months of family affairs and then had a really awkward conversation with my uncle Kirk. I have always liked my uncle Kirk though sometimes he is really weird and a bit annoying but what uncle isn’t? We both love Star Trek (hence his moniker, I think he would love the moniker) so I have always had a special place in my heart for him. (Trekies are often misunderstood…)

He started the conversation off with your normal small talk about how things had been going since the mission, how did I like living in Provo, what I was going to study at BYU, etc. Then of course the dreaded question comes up: “So are you dating anyone down there in Provo?” **CRINGE** I replied that I had been on a few dates, but that I was really busy. He then followed up my response with, “Busy hiding in the closet.” Uhm…Wow. It was one of those moments where you just sit there stunned thinking, “Did he really just say that? Really?”

I was so mad at him. He had put into words, albeit somewhat indirectly, everything that I was trying to hide from myself and others. I seriously avoided him at family parties for the next year and half. I got over the comment finally and we have had some good chats in the many years since that awkward conversation, but as I look back I wonder how many people knew before I had even put it all together myself?
I blame it on the cargo shorts that I am fond of wearing…. Though women wearing cargo shorts is not uncommon in Utah since they are really long and hide the knee length Mormon underwear…

I have not seen most of my extended family now for two years mostly due to living in Louisiana. With the summer approaching I will be spending some time in Utah. I find myself getting excited to go home for a few weeks and catch up with people that I have missed. I then remember that I am not really “out” to many people at home. I am not really all that worried about my mom’s side of the family… Most of them are apostate right along with me and I think some of those cousins may actually read this blog. (If you are family and reading this email me. I am curious.)

I don’t plan on hiding, but I am also not going to show up waving the rainbow flag (or maybe I should...) I will simply answer questions honestly when they come up. Questions always come up…

I can hear the conversation right now:

Relative: “How is church going down there on the bayou?"
Kiley: “Well, I have not gone in about two years…"

Relative: “Are you dating anyone?”
Kiley: “No, but I am trying to get the guts up to go to the lesbian bar and I am volunteering at the Baton Rouge Pride Festival. Fingers crossed I will meet the right girl!”


  1. I think the gay membership committee should include a family and friends questionnaire in the welcome kit. Leading the questionnaire should be: 1)"How long have you known that Stevie/Steve is gay?" 2)"Why didn't you inform Stevie/Steve that (s)he was gay?"

  2. Hmm, all the people I've told about my sexuality were shocked. Though, I always wonder in the back of my mind as to who (among those who are in the dark) wouldn't be. That thought intrigues me.

  3. Go you, volunteering at Pride. That was my plan until I was called away for that same weekend for a once in a lifetime professional opportunity....

  4. @ GMB - It sounds like you are in a good place to do amazing things! (Aren't you in DC? or am I confused?)

  5. When they dont tell you that they know the real you, maybe it's because they are waiting for you to tell them. That's why ur uncle just give a hint.


  6. Nope. I'd love to be in DC, but I'm in Northern Utah... until grad school.

  7. funny how some people know us better than we know ourselves sometimes. Sounds like your Uncle is one who will love you no matter what, Give him a big hug when you see him.


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