Friday, April 22, 2011

I will NOT be someone else's "sin"

I have started interacting with several other lesbians at the UU church, and even a few at work. Being in the South they were all raised in very religious environments that have condemned them for their homosexuality. Really, they go through the same things that we MoHos go through to one degree or another. They have the same scars that many of us do.

As I was talking to one of the ladies the other day she was very self-condemning. She is in a relationship with another woman right now and as she talked to me all she could talk about was how guilty she felt and that she needed to stop sinning.

I found myself seeing things not from her point of view but from the point of view of her partner. How does her partner feel about their relationship being a "sin". I don’t want to be someone else’s sin. 

I was asked a few months ago what I was looking for in a future girlfriend. Coming out was too fresh. I had not really thought it through. Now months later I am starting to answer that question. I definitely think that girl has to have gotten over looking at homosexuality as a sin (or on the road to getting over it).  


  1. Self-hatred is corrosive to one's well-being, but it can be difficult to shake off. I hope that woman finds freedom from her belief that being LGBT is a "sin".

  2. You'll find her. People are really coming out more these days and unless you're part of a religious community, it's much more accepted and embraced. It's not a sin to want love the way you're born to need it.

  3. You are right Ahab. I guess I should soften that and say I would certainly hesitate to jump into being someone else's sin...

    @Fanny - This is kind of a good time to be gay. You are right. More and more people are coming out and it is becoming more accepted. Thanks to pioneers like Harvey Milk, Ellen... They made it easier for the rest of us.

  4. My son's partner is that type of person. He waffles back and forth, depending on what gospel crap his mother has been feeding him. It breaks my heart. My son deserves someone who can love him completely and so do you. I hope you find her.

  5. Well said, Kiley. I've been in both shoes, so to speak. My new path is clearly steering away from being anyone's "sin" as well.

  6. @Just Zena - What you said is really what I feel. The belief that the relationship is sinful would really prevent full commitment. I hope your son's partner can work through it.

    @Kim - I don't know why but until this conversation last week I had never really thought about either side of the issue. I am new at this game...

    Which direction are you being steered though... Away from relationships altogether or away from belief that homosexuality is a sin?

  7. OMG... LOVE THIS. I feel the same way. I never understood why it bothered me so much when someone I went on a date with talked about how they just accept that they can't live the gospel... or they just accept that they will need to suffer the consequences. They come to realize that they are gay and being okay with it, but still look at is as going against what God wants them to do. But THIS is why it bothers me. I don't want to be the reason for someone's idea of future punishment. I do not want to be their sin. What a terrible thing to be.

  8. Kiley, I am not steering away from relationships. Actively seeking. :).

  9. @Jonathan - Ultimately if they can't accept their own sexuality they are judging you too. They see you as a sinner in some way too... Then again maybe it is flattering in some weird way that you they think you are worth the future punishments they will suffer? ;)

    @Kim - You are an interesting paradox to me. You believe and yet are seeking relationships. You have a testimony and yet seem to accept yourself. How do you hold that in your head? It tore me apart!

    It just speaks to your strength.


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