Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Louisiana resident...

I handed my Utah drivers license over to the smiling lady with the Louisiana drawl and did not realize that after linking my driving record up to the Louisiana system that she would not be giving it back to me. After entering the information into her computer system she stashed my Utah license away in a little box on her desk, the lid hanging open a little bit. I almost reached over to snatch it back and surprisingly felt my eyes well up. In a really steady voice I asked if she really had to keep the old one.

My facial expression must not have matched my tone of voice, or she saw the welling of tears because she smiled sympathetically and said, “Lots of people don’t realize that we have to keep them.” It made me feel a little better to hear that as she snapped the lid closed on the little box. I felt like I had just been robbed and was a bit shocked by the feeling.

I held it together until I walked out of the DMV and then sat in the car and cried for a few minutes. I’ve lived in Louisiana for 3 ½ years now. It is not that I don’t love this state. I’m not opposed to being a resident of Louisiana but it is just that the new Louisiana driver’s license means that I am no longer officially a Utah resident.

I have hung onto my Utah residency for as long as possible. My Utah driver’s license felt like one of my final, tangible, hold-in-my-hand connections. With it expiring today I had to forfeit it. We just don't always understand what we are hanging onto and today the tears really underscored how much I love Utah. I had forgotten or pushed it out of my mind. In some ways I think that my decision to not go home for the holidays was to push down or forget that love for that state... 

The red sand and mountain peaks get in your blood. It is not time to return to Utah yet, but it is home and I will live there again at some point in the future. 

10 comments:

  1. Aww, cute. And happy birthday!

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  2. Thanks for the birthday wishes Trev!

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  3. I understand the feelings about Utah. I have lived in several state but Utah is, and always will be, home

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  4. I got choked up too when I had to hand over my WI license for my Idaho one because I didn't realize they'd be keeping my old one either.

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  5. @Jay - Thank you for saying that sometimes I think I'm the only person who has left that wants to return...

    @BlueCodeRed - It is funny how some little plastic card can become something that feels soooo important. I'm glad I'm not the only one that got attached to it.

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  6. First... I would cry handing it over... In fact, I'm pretty sure that's why I still have my last temple recommend. I don't plan to DO anything with it... I'm just holding onto it...

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  7. Kiley, I love the way you write, and they way you are as open as you. When I was going through the process of leaving the church, your blog was SO helpful.

    In appreciation of how you touch my life, I've nominated you for the Liebster Blog Award. To see more about that, visit my blog at http://stillme-thejourney.blogspot.com/2012/01/liebster-blog-award.html

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  8. I love every physical part of Utah. I love the beauty, the sun, the snow, the easy access to the canyons, and I still haven't been to MOAB?!! Someday, I am going back there to enjoy its wilds once again. I sympathize with your sentiment over the license. ((HUGS))

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  9. That's crummy...in TN and AK I just had the gal punch a few holes in the old ones so I could have them back, like they do with old passports....I wonder if it's a state by state thing, or just the luck of the DMV worker draw? Idaho will always be home for me, also, but I don't see myself there permanently at any point....would you move back to your hometown, or another part of Utah?

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  10. @Jen - I am so flattered! I will no agonize for days over which five blogs I should nominate!!! I'm glad though that the pouring out of personal details helped you.

    @Emily - How have you not been to Moab!!! That is one of my favorite places on the entire planet?! That's it... What are you doing in July?! Maybe you, your family and I need to meet up there!

    @Desert Dispatches - I have half a mind to go back and see if punching some holes in it will allow me to keep it. I want it?! Is that silly?

    I would not move back to home town. In fact if I lived in Utah I would really only live in Salt Lake itself. I grew up in various suburbs of SLC.

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