Thursday, April 5, 2012

Whoa... Am I really over it?!

Last weekend was Conference Weekend. I’ve been known to live-blog it in the past. This time though I did not even realize it was General Conference until sometime on Saturday evening. I had just spent an incredible Saturday with Leigh with the promise of an incredible Sunday too… There was no way I was going to make myself sit through four hours of talks on Sunday just to blog about how wrong the church was/is… There were more important things to do. It is really no longer about right and wrong for me anyway…

In the last four years I have gone through several very important mental shifts. I moved to this state still thinking, “The church is true.” I shifted during my second year in this state to, “The church is not true.” That stage involved cataloguing how the idea of the church not being real and true changed the world that I lived in. I thought about the church all the time. Well, not constantly, but certainly still daily.

I would say in the last four-five months I have entered a new stage. I have entered the, “I don’t really care about the church anymore unless a family member or friend brings it up” stage. I really think that the only reason I think about the church at all anymore is because I have soooooo many ex-mo/moho friends so church stuff pops up on my Facebook newsfeed like crazy… I would not even know about the City Creek Mall opening this week, General Conference last week, or any of the online drama in the various communities yesterday and today at all if I weren't on Facebook…

I guess Mormonism is marginally in the spotlight right now thanks to dumbass Mitt Romney… So even if not online I might hear a thing or two about Mormonism on a daily basis but the bottom line is that it does not pop into my head all that much on its own anymore. I credit that to not living in Utah, time to heal, being busy, and having a hot smart awesome girlfriend. The church gap that I thought I would never fill appears to be overflowing now... 

Now that I am outside of it a little bit more, now that I really am viewing things at a bit of a distance, it is funny to analyze both extremes. Both the voice declaring that the church is true and the voice declaring that the church is not true are totally consumed and in some way driven by the church itself. Neither voice is truly free… They are simply the opposite ends of the same spectrum. It is only once you step off of the spectrum at all that you get to breathe a little bit. 

4 comments:

  1. Jealous. Good for you. Distance matters. If I were still living in Minnesota, I am sure this would be a bit easier too. It's hard to gain distance in Utah, but I hope some year that conference will come and go and I won't even realize it happened.

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  2. Ha ha, you had me convinced with the first paragraph until I realized, wait, she's writing this first paragraph. ;)

    Seriously, though, interesting thoughts as always. I'm happy you are feeling happier and like you're progressing and more able to let things go that you want to. It's fun to follow your journey and banter in the comments occasionally.

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  3. Great point to be at. That's awesome. I have to say I'm there too. I don't really care about it [most of the time] unless someone else brings it up.

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  4. I am glad you have some breathing room. Distance will do that.

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